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No one likes to admit it, but marriage takes a lot of work. When both parties are incapable of putting forth the effort, a relationship can spoil rather quickly, making one feel as if they failed in their commitments. The majority of relationships that quote-unquote fail, though, aren’t really failures at all; it’s simply a drifting apart of two individual hearts, minds and souls. Still, a lot of couples refrain from dealing with it because of the stigma that comes with divorce. But if you’re not happy in a relationship, how can you ever be happy in life? The best thing to do is find an amicable path for the dissolution of your marriage, also known as conscious uncoupling. Conscious uncoupling utilizes kindness, loving gestures, genuine respect and honorable efforts to do what’s right for the right reasons. Having been around since the 1970s, conscious uncoupling was further defined in 1990 by author Diane Vaughan, popularized as an online course in 2011 by marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, and made famous by Gwyneth Paltrow during her separation from Chris Martin in 2014. This method of separation is not only meant to help a marriage dissolve gracefully, but help each party understand why the marriage didn’t work and move forward in a healthy relationship with the self. The first step is to find your emotional freedom by acknowledging the circumstances and identifying your feelings toward what’s happening and why. Next, you’ll reclaim the power in your life by refraining from becoming the victim. Blaming yourself for the breakdown in the relationship keeps you vulnerable to the lies you tell yourself. Step three involves breaking patterns and healing your heart. Every irritation, argument or negative feeling you have toward the situation is rooted in a fear or trauma from your past. Only when you’re able to recognize the patterns can you move forward with a strong, healthy outlook on your future. After recognizing theses triggers, it’s time to let go of the promises you and your spouse made to one another. And finally, you’ll need to offer forgiveness and inspire those around you to do the same, treating your spouse as a friend, not an enemy. Then and only then will you have created a path to your happily ever after. Divorce shouldn’t be looked upon as a negative; sometimes it’s better for everyone involved, especially kids, for a couple to separate amicably than live in a state of grief or resentment. Self-reflection is at the heart of conscious uncoupling, allowing mutual respect to flourish among couples and their families. By nurturing a dignified and respectful relationship and focusing on the positive aspects of your future rather than the negative aspects of your past, you’re able to accept the circumstances create path for a positive, healthy future for you and your family.

In September 2016, Angelina Jolie shocked the world when she filed for divorce from long-time partner, Brad Pitt. Though the couple had only been married for two years, they had been a recognized couple for over ten, and never publicly showed any cracks in their relationship. But according to initial reports, Jolie was extremely upset with Pitt’s parenting habits. It has since come to light that Pitt had problems with alcohol and marijuana, and there may or may not have been a serious altercation with their eldest son prior to her filing. Regardless, Jolie filed for divorce to protect their six kids from possible mental and physical abuse. An amicable divorce is always the goal, but no more so than when children are involved. It doesn’t matter how angry or upset you may be with your partner, if you have children, their considerations should be first and foremost when making any decisions as it deals with their future and their relationship with both parents. There are two types of custody a parent may apply for in divorce proceedings: Legal custody is when a parent obtains the responsibility and obligation to make decisions for the well-being of the child. This includes what school they attend, what religion they practice, what doctors they use, etc. Physical custody determines who the child will live with on a regular basis. Legal and physical custody are also split into two categories: Joint custody is when both parents share equally in legal and/or physical custody. Joint legal custody is when both parents share in the decisions that affect the life of their child. Joint physical custody means the child will live with both parents equally. The court does have some discretion when a 50/50 split isn’t possible due to factors that include financial means and where each parent resides. Sole custody is when only one parent, also known as the custodial parent, has full legal and/or physical custody. In this case, the parent that does not have sole custody, also known as the non-custodial parent, has no rights in any decisions made on behalf of the child, but does have the right to visitation. In the case of our celebrity couple, Jolie sought sole custody with supervised visitation for Pitt. For a while, the battle for joint custody was strenuous, but it seems that may be changing. Pitt has been sober for the past few months, which should go a long way in convincing the courts (and Jolie) that he is ready to share custody. Divorce is usually the last thing a couple thinks about when they get married, but circumstances, personalities and ideas change, and sometimes it’s simply unavoidable. In most cases, both parents want what’s best for their children, so always keep them in mind as you prepare to have your lawyers and the courts mitigate the drama that may arise during your divorce.

Marriage is considered by most to be a blessed event that binds two lives together. But no matter how much we all want to believe in happily ever after, the hard, cold truth is that a healthy percentage of marriages in the U.S. fail within fifteen years. No matter the reason — including age, family background, income and intimacy — some marriages just don’t last. If you’re contemplating divorce, one thing that must be considered is whether to file for spousal support. There’s a misconception that spousal support, or alimony, is a given, when in reality, only ten to fifteen percent of divorces contain a claim for support. So, what is spousal support and what does it mean for you in the event of a divorce? Spousal support is money paid from one spouse to another within a reasonable amount of time in order for both parties to sustain the standard of living established during the marriage. In other words, spousal support keeps a spouse from suffering a standard of living decrease due to the inability to secure stable employment or a job that affords them the lifestyle they are accustomed. California is a no-fault divorce state, which means the circumstances behind the filing of divorce do not play a part in which party pays support. Factors that are considered include: Marketable skills and job market potential; How earning capacity is affected by long periods of unemployment; Whether training must be sought; Which partner can sustain the highest standard of living; Age, health, debts, property and tax impact; and The duration of the marriage. That last factor is the most important, as it is one of the major factors in determining the length of spousal support. Though the judge has some discretion, California law dictates a difference between short- and long-term marriages. A short-term marriage is one that dissolves within ten years. In this case, spousal support generally lasts for half the length of the marriage, which means if you were married for six years, support would last for three. A long-term marriage is one that lasts over ten years. In this case, there is no absolute time limit, which means the judge may allow spousal support to continue into perpetuity, or until a petition for termination is presented to the court. This may include: A court order terminating the original order; The receiving spouse remarries, moves in with a partner (cohabitation), is promoted or receives a dramatic raise in pay; or The paying spouse loses a job, retires or receives a dramatic reduction in pay. No matter the situation, when spousal support is sought in a divorce, legal separation or annulment, it’s always best to retain an attorney to protect you so that you don’t wind up losing more than you should.